the night before i had the HARDEST time sleeping! everything was bothering me and my room was hot and i was hungry and ughhh. i was annoyed by everything, i just couldn't sleep! lol
I woke up with 5 hours of sleep and started to get ready.. typical morning:
dragging around, eyes half-open and my clothes were crooked. haha
so my dad's driving me, (i hate when i'm in a rush somewhere and it seems like he goes slow on purpose!!) anyway, i'm rushing him, he's mad cause i'm rushing him and i'm mad at my brother for being cranky and he's mad at us for waking him up early lol! there's so much tension in the car, i couldn't wait to get dropped off!!
FINALLY, i arrive, get in line, fix myself ( robe, chords, cap) and laugh nervously with my classmates until its SHOW TIME!!
Since I was senior class president of my school, I got to walk out with a HEAVY gold staff and hand it over to our principal. All the other class presidents met in the middle and did the same thing. It was pretty cool. :D
NEXT THING I KNOW. I'm standing in line for the stage! I'm walking across, shaking hands, giving hugs, and BAM!!!! i'm already in my seat! I'm thinking WHAT THE HECK!! THAT''S IT?!.
A few speeches later, and I'm walking out!! IF YOU CAN'T TELL BY NOW, GRADUATION WENT BY TOOOO FAST FOR ME!! lol! so fast i feel like it didn't even happen lol!
Afterwards, I had this empty feeling in the pit of my stomache. I knew I'd feel that way, I was just hoping it would be so bad. Hugging my parents and brother made me realize how much I missed my older brother. I felt like someone had ripped some life out of me, I wasn't myself for a good hour or so.. I couldn't shake the feeling. I still can't, and I've tried torturing myself by looking at pictures and reading letters but NOTHING. Not one tear. I'm officially numb of all emotion.
So Saturday night I went out with some friends. We had an OK time. Not great. Just Ok. The best part was crackin jokes on the way back.. lol
Sunday morning, I woke up on my friend's bed TOO EARLY. We ate, got lazy and I came home. Went to a pool party and called it a night.
I had a hard time REALLY enjoying anything this weekend cause of that "thing on my chest" I would love to relieve myself from it but no luck. I'm hoping with time it will pass and I will be able to feel things again, even if its a bad feeling.
Today, I finally gathered the strength to write my brother, I told him about graduation and how I wished he was there. It was VERY hard. Mostly because I know how much it would hurt him, knowing he missed out.
.... the moral of the story is, my graduation would have been better, if my brother had been there. i miss him so much.
